The Reluctant Mommy Blogger

I think this article from Time sums up how I feel about parenting.

The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting
By Nancy Gibbs Friday, Nov. 20, 2009

The insanity crept up on us slowly; we just wanted what was best for our kids. We bought macrobiotic cupcakes and hypoallergenic socks, hired tutors to correct a 5-year-old’s “pencil-holding deficiency,” hooked up broadband connections in the treehouse but took down the swing set after the second skinned knee. We hovered over every school, playground and practice field — “helicopter parents,” teachers christened us, a phenomenon that spread to parents of all ages, races and regions. Stores began marketing stove-knob covers and “Kinderkords” (also known as leashes; they allow “three full feet of freedom for both you and your child”) and Baby Kneepads (as if babies don’t come prepadded). The mayor of a Connecticut town agreed to chop down three hickory trees on one block after a woman worried that a stray nut might drop into her new swimming pool, where her nut-allergic grandson occasionally swam. A Texas school required parents wanting to help with the second-grade holiday party to have a background check first. Schools auctioned off the right to cut the carpool line and drop a child directly in front of the building — a spot that in other settings is known as handicapped parking.We were so obsessed with our kids’ success that parenting turned into a form of product development. Parents demanded that nursery schools offer Mandarin, since it’s never too soon to prepare for the competition of a global economy. High school teachers received irate text messages from parents protesting an exam grade before class was even over; college deans described freshmen as “crispies,” who arrived at college already burned out, and “teacups,” who seemed ready to break at the tiniest stress. (See pictures of the college dorm’s evolution.)

This is what parenting had come to look like at the dawn of the 21st century — just one more extravagance, the Bubble Wrap waiting to burst.

All great rebellions are born of private acts of civil disobedience that inspire rebel bands to plot together. And so there is now a new revolution under way, one aimed at rolling back the almost comical overprotectiveness and overinvestment of moms and dads. The insurgency goes by many names — slow parenting, simplicity parenting, free-range parenting — but the message is the same: Less is more; hovering is dangerous; failure is fruitful. You really want your children to succeed? Learn when to leave them alone. When you lighten up, they’ll fly higher. We’re often the ones who hold them down.

A backlash against overparenting had been building for years, but now it reflects a new reality. Since the onset of the Great Recession, according to a CBS News poll, a third of parents have cut their kids’ extracurricular activities. They downsized, downshifted and simplified because they had to — and often found, much to their surprise, that they liked it. When a TIME poll last spring asked how the recession had affected people’s relationships with their kids, nearly four times as many people said relationships had gotten better as said they’d gotten worse. “This is one of those moments when everything is on the table, up for grabs,” says Carl Honoré, whose book Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting is a gospel of the slow-parenting movement. He likens the sudden awareness to the feeling you get when you wake up after a long night carousing, the lights go on, and you realize you’re a mess. “That horrible moment of self-recognition is where we are culturally. I wanted parents to realize they are not alone in thinking this is insanity, and show there’s another way.”

You can read the complete article on The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting on Time.

I especially like the section on the last page of the article that points parents to places they can share how they have been “bad parents.” I think I may visit one of those sites today and share some of my bad parenting. I do think that it is a good idea to encourage your children somewhat, but I do believe taking a step back and living their own lives is important. We’ll see how well I can live up to my own expectations of parenting as both of my children are still too young for a lot of this stuff to be applicable to me yet. When do you reach the point where you are over-involved? How much is too much? Like most things in my own life, I will cross those bridges when I come to them and just do what feels best for me and my family.

On a side note, the article mentions ‘kindercords’ or a leash for your child. I think those things are so evil. Sure, there are times when I sort of wish I had my kid on a leash (the overprotective parent that lives inside of me and I try not to let out). But, I believe that I would be setting my children up for failure in using them. What are you telling your child when you put a leash on him or her? You are saying “I don’t trust you. I don’t trust you to listen to me. I don’t trust you to make right decisions. I don’t trust you to keep yourself from harm and danger.” In some cases it also gives a parent the excuse to completely ignore their child. You have the kid on a leash in a store, so you know the kid cannot get away or get into ‘too much trouble.’ Now you can concentrate on finding that really cute shirt that will match your lipstick and eye shadow while your kid screams or harasses other nearby shoppers. No thank you! There are a few exceptions I will make for the child leash, like if you are traveling or if you are planning on being in a really crowded place. Even then, it seems a little over the top to me. I just can’t see treating your child, an individual with thoughts and feelings, as you would a pet.

Popularity: 7%

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009 at 9:11 am and is filed under My Life, Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.